Feeling Seen and Heard
We have all heard the phase, “I want to feel seen and heard” or “I wanted to feel validation.” Of course we do, right? This is one of the most basic human needs and sometimes the root of a lot of the mental health issues we struggle with. Sometimes it can be hard for us to feel safe to speak our truth or be our authentic selves, and in turn, it can lead to us not communicating in a mature way that can be heard and met with understanding.
So.....Let’s look at a few ways we can step into our power to feel seen and heard and, also, ways we can lead by example so others feel acknowledged too.
Have confidence! Whether you must stand in front of the mirror and say affirmations or practice what you want to say, you have every right to be heard. Just remember to keep it short and to the point and try to remain calm. When emotions such as anger start to show, the other person may resort to defending themselves and you may not be fully understood.
Be vulnerable! You may be afraid to speak your truth, but you will never be heard if you do not step out on the ledge and open up about your experience. You may even feel a sense of relief. Now this goes hand in hand with holding space for others to feel safe to reply to your comments. Ask questions and make sure they feel heard too.
Do not be a people pleaser! It is ok to say, “no thank you.” If you want people to respect you and take your word at its worth, put your oxygen mask on and make decisions that serve you best. Likewise, we must accept other’s decisions with compliance and cooperation.
Stay focused on the topic at hand. Be fully present in the conversation and give the other person your undivided attention. If you happen to be on the receiving end, listen without trying to “fix.” They may just need to get something off their chest, and it may not be directed at you. Instead, offer compassion and validate what they are feeling.
Communicate your goals of the conversation. What do you want to get out of it? Remember there are no guarantees, and you may not end up actually feeling seen or heard, but at least you communicated in a non-violent way and got to speak your truth.
This all came up for me considering we are entering a week that most people like to celebrate their loving relationships and show some gratitude towards their partners. Take some time to stay fully present with your partner and do some active listening yourself.
Here are links with more info:
Abrahams, R. & Groysberg, B. (2021, December 21). How to become a better listener. https://hbr.org/2021/12/how-to-become-a-better-listener
Chapman, V. (2022, Januray 25). New studies show how communication behaviors make a difference in our well-being and happiness. https://pollackpeacebuilding.com/blog/new-study-shows-how-communication-behaviors-make-a-difference-in-our-well-being-and-happiness/